16 First Days

There is an eerie feeling the first day you walk into a new school. Rolling emotions that falter between excitement and dread. Your brain is soaking in every new piece of matter which surrounds you. The Bookcase. The plant. The cement stairs. The stale air which reminds me that I will not feel snow in the foreseeable future.
ISKL was my seventh new school as a teacher and the first in which snow days were not automatically built into the schedule. The first days I have had in a new school are all surreal. There is too much to take in and comprehend. I want to make it appear to everyone that I am calm, cool and confident. In reality...I am terrified!  Will I trip and fall? Will anyone like me? Where are the bathrooms? Will anyone eat lunch with me? Logic would convince us that after seven schools as a teacher and nine as a student (that does not include preschool, but does include university!) the emotion would become second nature. That my brain would logically walk into a new building and be calmed by similar emotions that I have felt in the past.

Yet, my brain and heart always follow a similar pattern. Fear! Excitement. Nervousness. Joy in the Potential. The need to Puke.  ISKL followed the same pattern.
Thinking back to that day seven months ago, I wish I could tell myself that all would be ok. That I will make friends. Learn the varied resources and find my way around the school. I wish I could calm all of those emotions and jitters. But unfortunately, time travel is not yet possible. So, for now, I will find satisfaction in the fact that I lived through those emotions and learned a little along the way. Maybe next time the first day will be easier or maybe there will be snow.

Karen Callahan